Survival Kit

One day a student in my 10^th grade class had a problem with her contact lens. As I was trying to organise lens solution for her, another student piped up, “She can clean her lens with spit and put it back on. My doctor told me that’s fine.”

Being a contact lens user myself, I agreed that it was fine to use one’s own saliva, but said, “However, that’s only for crisis situations.” Given to exaggeration, I added, “Like a war zone.”

The student dimpled sweetly before saying, “But a classroom is a war zone.”

Since war has been declared, as a teacher, I feel I should start blogging with a survivor’s guide for teachers!

Over the last six years, I have been collecting some of the tools needed for the trade: a sweet smile, a ‘gotcha’ smile, a sweet frown, a ‘gotcha’ frown, a well-practised ‘grrrrrr’, word games, really short stories, riddles, nuggets of information. And most important, wit. This is for an English teacher. Other subject teachers may want to add to the kit.

I can think of a few things to do to survive in the war zone that is a classroom:

Walking into a classroom is like walking onto a stage to perform for an audience. It needs a similar amount of preparation, guts and passion. Never plan to walk into a class of 40 energetic teenagers and improvise. You will end up as the epicentre of mob frenzy. (How do I know? Well.)

Stand, walk, tower over the teens. Don’t be a sitting target.

Radiate passion about your subject. “Today, we’re going to enjoy my favourite poem!” Not: “Let’s finish the next poem.”

Be the drama queen in the class, before the teens take over. Act, overact, dramatise. Dare them to look away. Dare them to match your over-the-top acting.

Use your eyes more than your voice – especially to flash displeasure. Look daggers, roll your eyes (teens understand that so well), or simply stare straight and hard.

If interest flags, throw an impossible riddle at them. A teen challenged is usually a teen with a mission.

Switch off the lights and tell them a scary short story. (Even 12^th graders can be tamed thus.)

Quote a song by ‘One Direction’. They’ll think you’re a little less fossilised, and pay a little more attention to all the other things you say.

There are many, many more… Hey teachers, feel free to add to the list.